Let's talk beer

STELLAAAAAAAA!

2006-04-27T19:25:00.000-07:00

Oh, my fair Stella, what can I say about her? I can only say that Stella is a bombshell. Stella looks amazing, so sexy and slender in green. She can be found at all those trendy Scottsdale bars that make you want to either crawl out of your skin or kill people. She sounds sexy and appealing but Jesus Christ you hate her. She is just like that stunning girl you remember from school. That one you talked to you realized she sucked.
She is not sweet; she is not kind she is only bitter and cold. She is just 11.2 ounces.

Stella Artois is just like Stella the girl. I don’t like this beer. It is bland and tasteless. I suppose the beer is the lesser of the evils found in Scottsdale bars. I lusted after it until I touched it to my lips. It was meeting that girl all over again.

Stella is a light lager brewed in Belgium. The history of this brew dates back to 1366 but the current version of this lager wasn’t derived until 1927. Stella, which means “star” and has been in production ever since.

I have learned over the years to stick to women of substance and I have learned the same with beer. I’ll stay away from Stellas and stick to my Chelsea and my Newcastle .

I'ma rocket man

2006-04-20T22:11:00.000-07:00

It is nine at night, my fingers are glued together, I am staring blankly at the TV, my roommate is sleeping, I smell a little funny and I am stone-cold sober.

What has happened to my happy little beer blog? Where is the talk of stouts and ales and heffenweisen? Reality check. Sobriety is the subject tonight.

Let me explain. Recently, I was challenged to go seven days without drinking. I am incredibly stubborn and a little proud, so I took the challenge. What this means to you is that this week we are doing things a little differently. I am not going to talk about what beer you should drink. I am going to offer up some alternatives to drinking.

Seriously, I will poke fun at alcoholics and how drinking’s good for the soul, but it is mostly tongue-in-cheek. Alcoholism is a condition that I take very seriously. So, every six months or so, I look at myself and try to decide if I am acting like I am in my 20s or if I am acting like an alcoholic. I suggest you do the same from time to time.

So what do you do on a sober night? I have no fucking idea.

Drink water, do homework, pay bills, start fires, build rockets. Fuck yeah.

I ventured deep into the depths of my closet to find an Estes rocket kit. I haven’t built one of these things since I was 10. I didn’t even know that was in there. This seems like a great alternative to drinking. I opened up the kit and looked to see what I need. Shit, I have no glue. I put everything back in the box and wished I had beer in the fridge.

Grocery shopping is one of those things that you never do when you are drinking. So, I decided to do some of that. I wandered through the aisles and found Elmer’s super glue. I forgot all about shopping and dashed home to build my rocket.

This is where I promptly glued my fingers together. Fuck rockets. I walked to the fridge to see what I had to drink. There was nothing there, not even water. I wandered from room to room and stubbed my toe on the ottoman. I flipped blankly through the channels and ended up slouching on the couch, watching Southpark for nearly 2 hours before I called the night on account of bordom. On the way to bed I noticed my rocket was dry. It had stuck to the newspaper I used to protect sleeping Andy’s table. But it was complete. Tomorrow I will get my kicks with my rocket. That’ll be pretty sweet.

On too many occasions beer has put me sleeping on the bathroom floor. This is not the best place to sleep. However, after drinking too many of the beverages discussed on this forum it really seems like a good idea. This is a large part of the reason I am not drinking this week. Being found sleeping on your bathroom floor is less than cool. Honestly, it gets old real quick. Trust me.

Aluminum bottles and Unicorns?

2006-04-13T17:59:00.000-07:00

As you can tell by the picture, the whole idea of a beer in an aluminum bottle is a bit silly. If you are going to package your product in aluminum, do it in a can or even better, a keg. If you don’t want the stigma of being in a can, then use glass. If you try to disguise a can as a bottle, your beer will be pictured with a unicorn on a beach.* That’ll fuck up your credibility.

"Stite" is an obscure beer in the truest sense of the word. I don’t know anything about the brewer, or really where it came from. It claims to be brewed in Cold Spring Minnesota by Gluek brewing company. I happened across it when someone at the bicycle shop gave it to us as a tip. (seriously people, tip with Newcastle )

This beer claims to be brewed with a patented process that remains unchanged since 1948. With over 50 years of experience brewing beer they nailed the pilsner thing pretty damn well. It is surprisingly drinkable and flavorful for a pilsner. It is light and fruity without that Budweiser flavor. It drinks smooth and clean with little bite and a strong aftertaste that is reminiscent of Four Peaks’ Heffenwiesen.

This is a suitable beer for that summer time outside drinkin’ that I am such a fan of. However,if you manage to find it, I would not show up to a summer barbeque toting a sixer of these aluminum jobbers. These are quite tasty so if you want to drink them in public, pour all six of them into a large pitcher or glass and cruise the barbeque lookin' like a real lush. That's how I'd do it.

*(no unicorns were harmed in the writing of this blog)

2006-04-06T20:57:00.000-07:00

Samuel Smith’s is a beer I know nothing about. I researched it but came up empty. I received this beer as a gift when I met Chelsea’s father for the first time. I took this beer with the intention of saving it for a blog post.

What I do know is that this beer is brewed in Yorks, England. I know it is imported by a company in Tukwila, Washington.

I can say that I have drunk a lot of beer in my life. I have also had my share of stouts, but untill now I have never had a stout that tastes like a cider. This oatmeal stout is incredibly dark. It rivals the light absorption of Guinness. It is dark and thick yet has an unmistakable apple flavor. The nearest thing I can relate it to is Hornsby’s hard cider. (No link available, sorry.) It is sweet and light which is uncharacteristic of a stout. It is a fancy beer for those who don’t like fancy beers. It does have a thick head like a stout yet it offers more bite than traditional stouts.

For the purpose of touching on the criteria I normally touch on; it is not hoppy, it drinks light, low alcohol content, sweet flavor and initially it bites at your tongue.

If you hate stouts like Guinness or Four Peaks’ Oatmeal stout you might track one of these down, however, it would be easier to simply put on a skirt and steal one of your girlfriend’s hard ciders.

It's more of a sound than a word.

2006-03-30T11:09:00.000-08:00

Grolsch is one of those beers that I always avoided. Any time I noticed Grolsch on the shelf at the store it always looked so pretentious. It stands tall with a silly wire contraption holding not a cap, but a cork. Who corks a beer? Apparently Grolsch does.

It was only after several years of avoiding this beer that it was forced upon me. A customer at my bike shop brought it in one night after close. I looked at the bottles. These weren’t the pretentious corked mammoth sized bottles I had seen in the store, these were normal 12oz. bottles with regular caps. These bottles looked far less intimidating. They stood at eye level with the other beers but shone green like emeralds even in the dim light. I grabbed on of the bottles, popped the cap and took a swig. Ooohgh. The taste was not what I expected. Not bad but not what I expected.

The flavor is distinctly lager. There is more than a hint of skunkiness with just enough bitterness to make you think you are drinking a Heineken . Grolsch and Heineken are both Dutch lagers so it is no surprise that they are very similar in body, flavor and drink ability although, Grolsch has a slightly sweeter flavor.

Grolsch is light and not very filling. It is a perfect alternative to those boring light beers that people tend to default to.
Grolsch is hardly a microbrew, but it is a tasty import. People automatically assume you know a thing or two about beer when you order something that they have never heard of. Everybody knows a Budweiser or Corona but most people haven’t even heard of Grolsch, let alone pronounce it.

This discovery couldn’t have come at a better time as the weather is warming and Grolsch is crisp and refreshing. I plan to spend many a spring evening on my porch grilling with friends, or simply watching the world go by, with a Grolsch or six.

The One and Only

2006-03-23T19:42:00.000-08:00

Over the past few weeks I have discovered it is easy to write about things you hate and incredibly difficult to write about things you truly love. You can easily point out the faults of your lover, but it is surprisingly difficult to offer up a single genuine compliment. This is the boat I am in. I intended Newcastle to be my final blog. However, when I stood hands in my pockets staring blankly into the cooler, this beer called to me like a siren. I had no choice. I had to have it. I love this beer.
This brown ale, born in England many decades ago, is a little more mainstream than most of my selections but needs to be included. The benefit to Newcastle is that it is readily available on tap or in bottles at any bar worth patronizing. Did I mention this is my favorite beer. It calls out from a clear bottle, singing seductively, (whispering) “Drink me.”
The reason I like this beer so much is that it is AMAZINGLY smooth. It slips lazily from the bottle onto the tongue. There is no bite, just sweet, brown, sugary smoothness. It is a brown ale, but it is light like a pilsner and smooth like a stout. This is truly the best of both worlds. It is not heavy or filling, which makes it the perfect compliment to any meal. On the flipside, this beer, when consumed in large quantities, can be a satisfying meal. I don’t recommend driving after a Newcastle dinner as it will knock you on your ass.
The most surprising thing is that there is NOTHING that comes close to the sweet taste, smooth texture and light body of Newcastle. Grolsch amber is similar in texture, but not as smooth. Newcastle is truly, “The One and Only.”

Anchors away

2006-03-02T17:01:00.000-08:00

“Ooooh, twist-offs,” is what I said out loud as I spun the cap off a bottle of Anchor Steam Beer I could not wait until I got in the house to sample this San Franciscan beer – I cracked it between the car and the front door. I tipped the stocky bottle to my lips. “This is freakin’ good beer,” I said to my self as I collected my things and walked in the house.

Anchor Steam has a flavor that is sweet as candy, but isn’t sticky or overwhelming. It is smooth, easy to drink and retains a substantial texture without being heavy. It has a light, pleasant true amber color and a thick creamy head, reminiscent of much heavier stouts.

This beer has one simple purpose: to taste good. Anchor Steam is substantial enough to be a meal on its own, but would compliment a light meal, like salmon fresh off the grill, quite well. It has a slight malty aftertaste that goes away when the beer is near freezing. I know this because I accidentally froze one. But once thawed, Anchor Steam springs back to life. It fizzed and foamed, anxious to escape the bottle and swim in my pint glass.

This beer qualifies as amber ale, and it fits the bill well. This is how Fat Tire would behave, if Fat Tire were a good beer.

Anchor Steam Beer’s refined characteristics are rewarding, but not surprising considering that the recipe is more than 100 years old. Anchor Steam is the original offering from the Anchor Brewing Co. Anchor beers, brewed solely in the San Francisco Bay area, have a long tradition of old-style brewing. They brew with proven methods started in 1896. All of Anchor’s brews have a distinct California taste, which is uniquely Anchor. This beer has a super-low alcohol content of 4.9 percent. You are drinking for the taste.

Here is a video of some guys drinking for the effect. I don't recommend this.

Fat Tire

2006-02-21T16:23:00.000-08:00

Last week in my discussion of Alaskan Amber I made reference to Fat Tire. I don't like this beer. In the interest of conversation I decided to stop off at Top's Liquor on my way home from class. I spent a few minutes peering into the coolers and thinking of all the possible ways this post could go. I debated if the right choice was to pick something I know I don't like. I snatched a six pack of this vile brew from the cooler, hurried to the counter and paid before I could change my mind.

Several hours later, I stood in my kitchen hesitating. I hate this beer. I held one of the tall brown bottles in my hand and looked at the label. The label has a cartoon-like rendering of a bicycle on it. I wish they wouldn't put that on there. People assume that because I work in a bike shop and the beer has a picture of a bicycle on it that I must love this beer. More often than not customers of the bicycle shop will bring this in. The problem is that nobody in the shop likes it.

Fat Tire is a brown ale created at the New Belgium brewery. Fat Tire is the most popular of the brewery's six regular offerings which include a pilsner, a stout and a double ale. Each of these beers has one of two taste extremes. They are either bland and boring or schizophrenic in flavor. It is not too surprising that Fat Tire is the most popular of the six, because it is the easiest to drink and most palatable of these evils.

After popping off the cap of this schizophrenic ale, a sugary aroma wafts from the neck of the dark bottle. As the thick beer flows slowly into your mouth it foams as it hits your tongue. It is almost painful as it bubbles in your mouth. The flavor is sweet and bitter at the same time and followed by a strong and hoppy aftertaste.

It is something significant that makes this beer taste bad. It is simply poorly engineered; too many tastes in one bottle. This is enough to make anyone's face pucker. After the initial sip the bottle foams as if to say that even it doesn't like the beer. I cannot understand how anyone can take a sip of this beer and want to take another swig. Even when properly chilled this beer tastes unpleasantly warm. This beer is not smooth. New Castle is a smooth beer. Fat Tire is not only schizophrenic in its sweet and bitter taste, but it is heavy and difficult to drink.

I said before that this beer is thicker than other brown ales. The surprising thing is just how much of a meal this beer is. The only saving grace is that it has a relatively high alcohol content of 5.3% according to realbeer.com. I purchased a six pack of this bottled devil and drank only three. That was about all I could handle. On the bright side I did have an all right buzz going after I finished the third. The down side is that I had just drank my dinner.

Here is a video link to some stupid guys simply for extra credit.

Those Crazy Alaskans

2006-02-16T15:39:00.000-08:00

Alaskan Brewing Co.
The bicycle shop I work in is quite a unique and wonderful place. The three of us who work there are avid beer drinkers. That is, we end nearly every workday with a beer or two as we close up the shop. So in light of this we encourage some very good customers to pay for services with beer. We do have our favorites: New Castle, Negra Modello and even the occasional PBR(don’t judge us, it is good beer).

Yesterday a customer brought in a beer that was to become a new shop favorite. Alaskan Amber is a freakin’ awesome brew that you likely have not had. Those crazy Alaskans have crafted a surprisingly tasty and smooth amber beer. Born of actual glacier water from an old recipe Alaskan Amber is one of seven that the tiny American brewery offers. There is no pasturization and no other wacky poreservatives to mudd up the flavor. this is a clean fresh tasting beer.
I don’t usually stray from “The one and only” New Castle, but this is a beer that I would be more than willing to add to my daily routine.
This beer has hoppy flavor similar to Sierra Nevada or Fat Tire. I find that this is indicative of most micro brews of the amber genre. Normally this is a bad thing. Most microbrews are overly hoppy and become bitter. Alaskan Amber is not bitter at all. I would even wager to say that it has a mild taste of hops, a creamy texture and a pleasantly sweet flavor that is quite drinkable. The down side to most microbrews is that they are not light by any stretch of the imagination. Alaskan Amber is a heavy beer. After only two of these tasty little beauties my belly bulged.

Oh, the local boys

2006-02-08T20:55:00.000-08:00

This journey is going to begin quite close to home. It only seems natural to start close and work outward. While there are thousands of tiny breweries making thousands of specialty brews, some can be found in your own back yard.

Four Peaks is the uber-popular brewery that is in our own backyard. The Brewing facility is located at 1340 E. Eighth street in Tempe, I feel that this is the best place to start. Four Peaks produces nearly 20,000 kegs of beer a year in more than eight varieties. Two of their flavors, Kilt Lifter and 8th street, are available across the southwest in bottles.

Kilt lifter is Four Peaks award winning Scottish style ale that is rich in flavor and high in alcohol content, six percent to be exact. This is a crowd pleaser because of its smooth flavor while being surprisingly easy to drink. The flavor is slightly sweet with a hint of smokiness followed with a mildly hoppie aftertaste. Because of its' strong flavor, Kilt lifter goes quite well with light to medium meals. Kilt lifter is a more than appropriate name because the high alcohol content sneaks up on you slowly. Suddenly it catches you up and leaves you with a surly smile. It is a filling beer without being heavy.

Four Peaks has two restaurant locations, one at the brewery in Tempe and the other at the corner of Frank Lloyd Wright and Hayden in Scottsdale. Both serve food and of course Four Peaks beer exclusively. The food is as good as the beer. I suggest you go and have a pint or three and lift your kilt.

Introduction

2006-01-26T14:19:00.000-08:00

Over the next several weeks I will be telling you about various Micro-Brews.